You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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