If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
