Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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