All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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