i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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