my phone needs a breathalizer
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
