I'm gonna have a badass scar
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night