ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.