i need an iv and a liver transplant
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.