Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
