Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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