I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
