I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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