"it" just moved
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
