i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I will pee on everything he values.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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