i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
