He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize