just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
