Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
