Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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