i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
