This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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