Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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