Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
