actually, I'm a sock model
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
