and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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