Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
