too bad you live with your parents still
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
