hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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