Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
