you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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