I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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