Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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