My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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