I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
