I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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