Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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