Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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