We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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