he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
