So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
