The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
