hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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