she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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