How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
