Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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