Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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