Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
