dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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