you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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