Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wannas sexs uuuuu
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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