Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
