I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
