tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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