none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
