I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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