I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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