I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
