you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
