three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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