my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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