you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
