Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
