So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
