I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
