he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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