Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
